Emotions Are Great!

Do you know that feeling when you're stomach drops and you just want to vomit even though there is no food in your stomach. Do you know that feeling when you just want to sit on the floor and never move again because your heart aches so intensely. Do you know that feeling when you swallow your tears instead of crying and your throat burns and aches. Of course you do. Everyone does!

The reason I bring up such a sad topic is because I'm experiencing that! I like to think I'm strong and optimistic and positive, but the truth is I'm just about as mellow dramatic as the next person. Everyone in their own way is slightly bipolar and no one is ever just happy or sad and people can always flip emotions at the snap of your fingers.

My doctor told me I had to lose weight. So I think: hmm. Okay. Well that sucks some horse shit. Don't I feel fantastic now! And then I go home and my parents on the drive talk about how we can fix it and no more carbs or bread or pasta (basically my main food source. No wonder I'm chubby.) and lots of veggies and fruit and salad salad salad. Then I get to go to my friends house to say goodbye before she moves across the country to California from New Jersey. Then I go back home and get to sit in my pity party puddle of tears when all this shitty stuff came over me all at once. But of course, why am I complaining. There are starving people in Africa.

Why am I telling random bloggers this as my first post? Cause in all honesty, that's how I feel right now. Why would I blog fakely? (Is that a word?) I feel like absolute total shit. So come on my journey avid readers!

Everyone's goal is absolutely always to be happy. Being angry, sad, scared, is all bad! Happiness is the goal. But you know what I say? SCREW HAPPINESS! It's boring. And dishonest. It's weird if someone is happy all the time. It's unrealistic. How can you be happy after getting an F on a test? Losing a job? Getting cancer? The world throws too many problems at us for us to be happy all the time! "I found out my husband has been cheating on me with the pool boy and I've been his beard this whole time apparently! Isn't that great!?!?! I'm so happy!" -- No one ever.

Or it could be much simpler. "I have a blister on my toe and it hurts to walk! PARTY! WOO HOO!"

No one is going to be happy 24/7. 7/11 optimism? Sounds good. It also sounds way too optimistic if you ask me.

So if we can't be happy all the time why not be content with being sad. If being upset is a thing that happens, why is it bad? It just is. If someone is upset, don't tell them to get happier. If someone is depressed, don't give them medication to make them happy. Teach them to be content with being depressed, though that's kinda a different story. If someone is angry, LET THEM BE ANGRY! AAAAAHHHHH IF THERE MAD, THEN THEY ARE GONNA BE MAD AND THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!

I'm sitting on my floor in my room crying really hard cause I have lots of pressure on me right now. And it feels pretty good. Not happy. Good. Cause I really needed to be sad. I needed to throw myself a huge pity party, where the balloons are deflated and the cake tastes really bad. I've got a sword down my throat that I swallowed and I don't think it's quite time to take it out yet. The trick isn't over. I'm not done being sad. I need to feel all of my feelings.

Feeling isn't bad. Sadness isn't bad. It's good. All emotions are good. Accept them and enjoy each and everyone of them.

Hey, that cry felt really good. Punching that pillow and screaming bloody murder was amazing!

"My husband cheated on me with the pool boy and apparently I've been his beard this whole time. This is very upsetting. I think I'm gonna have a good cry. BAAAAAAHAAAHSHDJDNSKDUSOFNCOJSENOXNSKXOXNDKCKSNXKDNMZ."

"This blister on my fucking toe fucking hurts like a mother fucking bitch! Awe god dammit I'm about to rip my toe off I'm so pissed"

Time to throw the best pity party ever! Are you gonna be there?